|
|
|
| |
|
Earl was passing by Bubba's hay shed one day... ... when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of his old red Massey Ferguson.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first to the right, then to the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his cap on to a pile of hay.
"What on earth are you doing, Bubba?" says Earl.
"Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me!" says an obviously embarrassed Bubbia. "But me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor!"
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of
Redneck Jokes, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
A parish priest, Father O'Brien, was being honored at a dinner on the 25th anniversary...
... of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic.
Sooo.....Father O'Briend decides to say his own few words while they await the politician's arrival......
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. What is confessed in there to me, is never repeated on the outside. However, I got my first impressions of this parish from the first confession I ever heard here.
Realize, please, that I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago, I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was
appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people at this congregation were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived, apologized for his tardiness and then started in on his speech.
"I want to thank you all for letting me say a few words this evening in honor of Father O'Brien. 25 Years is a long time. In fact, when he arrived here, I had the honor of being the first confession he heard at this congregation."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.
This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a
minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.
Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters.
He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and...
The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:
-
Port Left
-
Starboard Right
Submitted by Capt Dan, Charleston, SC.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
|
| A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... ... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling
sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they would help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and
leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $100!"
The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. Hey Willie! For $100, would you chop off another toe?"
|
|
Return to: Top of Page, Groaner Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
| Why Middle Aged Women Shouldn't Drink - Download Video Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Audio/Videos, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
He owned and drove it for 82 years
Mr. Allen Swift ( Springfield , MA ) received this 1928 Rolls-Royce Piccadilly P 1 Roadster from his father, brand new as a graduation gift in 1928. He drove it up until his death last year.....at the age of 102!
He was the oldest living owner of a car from new. He donated it to a Springfield museum in his will. It has 170,000 miles on it, still runs like a Swiss watch, dead silent at any speed and is in perfect cosmetic condition. (82 years) That's approximately 2000 miles per
year.
Submitted by Cathy, Storington, England
|
|
Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
Dec 3rd Humor Page |
|