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| After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen.
They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's
concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid
through college somehow, don't I?"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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| A group of 40-year-old buddies decide to form a supper club... ..., where they would reunite once a decade to enjoy a great meal and catch up on their friendship. For the initial event, they discuss and discuss where to meet for dinner.
Finally it is agreed they should go to the Chez Francé restaurant because the waitresses there wear low-cut blouses.
Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group reunites and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally they unanimously decide to dine at the Chez Francé because the food there is fantastic and the wine
selection is very good also.
A decade later, at 60 years of age, the men meet and again they discuss and discuss where they should gather. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Chez Francé because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant
is smoke-free.
Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group reconnects and once again they discuss and discuss where they should dine. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Chez Francé because the restaurant offers a senior discount and
is wheelchair accessible.
Amazingly, a decade later all of the men are still living. At 80 years of age, the supper club manages to gather, and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally, they all agree it would be a great idea to dine at the Chez Francé restaurant because
they have never been there before.
Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK
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The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island.
Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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You know you're in a man's ideal world when:
- Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To "I love you."
- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
- Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the football team of your choice.
- At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
- Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
Submitted by Ray, King of Prussia, Pa.
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Feb 17th Humor Page
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