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A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road.
The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon."
"That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to."
"Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted.
"Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset."
"Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon," replied Willis.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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In the traffic court a young woman was brought before the judge...
... to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on
time.
A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes. "You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive
through red lights' 500 times!"
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| Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be
her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said, "Are you nuts? You 're almost 72 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses!
This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." "I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week." I told her.
She fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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Racial Profiling - the day it all started was March 6, 1836
On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk, on the main floor of the Alamo and walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort.
William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall.
These three great men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving towards the Alamo.
With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, "Jim, are we, by any chance, having any landscaping done today?"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Here are some people who should not be allowed to venture into society
- A Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9,600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
- Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
- A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
- The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
- A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back
pain.
- A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him
paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
- Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
- When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and
was arrested.
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| Don't mess with old golfers - Download Video
Submitted by Cathy, Storington, England
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North Korean officers... Could be easily defeated with a giant magnet... 
Gives an all new meaning to bling. It's by no mere coincidence that their uniforms resemble Russian uniforms of the 1950s, and hats designed to make them look taller. Most metals and ribbons usually indicate
campaigns where one fought, other theaters where one was stationed, or wounds received. Since they haven't been in any wars since 1950, then in their cases it must mean a lot of good conduct or present at roll call. Very impressive indeed.
Must be much like Hollywood's awards. They are always presenting themselves with those awards because no one else will and they desperately need some recognition. Submitted by John,
Gettysburg, Pa.
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March 17th Humor Page |
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