. . . who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is really very impressive!"

Submitted By Larry, Walkersville, Md.
 

"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job – a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try!"

"Poof!" said the genie, "You're a housewife!"

• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
• He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
• You can't have everything, where would you put it?
• Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
• I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
• Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
• Stupidity got us into this mess... why can't it get us out?
• Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
• Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
• There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
• Sign in a loan company window: "Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt."
• People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
• It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
• Indecision is the key to flexibility.
• If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
• I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
• I am in shape. Round is a shape.
• Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
• A day without sunshine is like night.
• I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
• I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
• Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
• Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
• You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.