Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker
"Sometimes when I reflect back on
all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and
think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and
dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and
their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than
be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy
"I feel sorry for people who
don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as
they're going to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra
"An intelligent man is sometimes
forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
Ernest Hemingway
"When I read about the evils of
drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a
case. Coincidence? I think not."
Stephen Wright
"When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit
no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke
"Beer is proof that God loves us
and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin
"Without question, the greatest
invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that
the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go
nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
Remember "I" before "E", except
in Budweiser.
To some it's a six-pack, to me
it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
And saving the best for last, as
explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers,
Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like
this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest
buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human
brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But
naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Submitted by Larry
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