• I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
• I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
• I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
• I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
• I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
• I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.
• I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
• I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
• I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties, I don't look at any girl/guy no matter how hot she/he is, for fear that she/he will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
• I also donated all my savings to the "Amy Bruce" account. Remember? She was a sick girl who was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times? Amazing girl! She's been 7 since 1993!
• I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.
• My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain  that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3rd floor Nursing Station. How can I help You?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me squat!"

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom