| |
| An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar . . .
. . . and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea.
Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off."
"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"
"Ahhhh...," mused the pirate, "we were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off."
"Zounds!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?"
"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye," answered the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was me first day with the hook..."
Submitted by Patty, Leasburg, Va.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, Clean Joke List, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
If Horses Were in High School, What Cliques Would They Be In?
- Quarter Horses: Definitely jocks. Strutting around flexing those muscles, showing off their butts...definitely jocks.
- Thoroughbreds: Preppies. Sometimes athletes, never 'jocks'. Monogrammed blankets, leather halters, Nike eventer shoes, the latest custom trailer and tack. They are the "new money" rich.
- Appaloosas: Could only be the stoners. They like to trip acid so they can watch their spots move.
- Arabians: RAH! RAH! SIS BOOM BAH! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM!! (need I say more?)
- Shetland Ponies: Frightening, spiky hairdos, snotty attitudes and any color of the rainbow .... gotta be PUNKS. Some even sport tattoos.
- Friesians: Big, buff, and always in black, they are the biker clique. Cigs hanging out of the corner of their mouths, dangerous glint in the eyes, daring anyone to cross their path.
- Morgans: They're the nerdy teacher's pets, running around doing everything from yearbook to decorating the gym and ratting out the bikers, stoners and jocks. They have perpetual wedgies.
- Drafts (all breeds): No real clique, they're just the big guys who sit in the back of the room and fart a lot (and then laugh). Who's going to STOP them?
- Icelandics and Paso Finos: They're the little squirrely geeks who flit around a dance trying to fit in and fail miserably. The kind who wear Toughskins jeans from Sears (or would that be ripoff WeathaBeetas??).
- Ahkle Tekl (Akle Takl? Ackle Tackle....!! Akhal Teke!!): Foreign exchange student(s). And no one can spell their names either.
- Hackney Ponies: A breed this manic would have to be a band geek. Marching along with their knees and heads held high.....even going to the bathroom.
- Warmbloods: Old Money Preppies, as opposed to the TBs who are new money preppies. All their tack is imported from Europe, they drink Perrier water and eat only organically grown feed. They look down on everyone and talk amongst themselves about summer in
Paris and skiing in Gstad and wasn't it dreadful how provincial Spruce Meadows has become?
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, MD.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Horse Jokes,
My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender.
- COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
- HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
- HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
- HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
- REMOTE CONTROL: Female...Ha!...you thought I'd say ! male. But consider, it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
- SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
- SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
- SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
- SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
- TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
- WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.
- ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List
of Humorous Sayings, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
|
|
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Photos, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
|
|
|
May 11th Humor Page
|
|