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Marriage One-liners:
- I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. (David Bissonette)
- After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They stay together, but just cant face each other. (Hemant Joshi)
- Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. (Alexander Dumas)
- I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. (anon)
- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. (Sam Kinison)
- There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. (James McGavran)
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
- A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong. (Milton Berle)
- First guy: "My wife's an angel." Second guy "You're lucky. Mines still alive"
Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia.
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Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
- The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
- The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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More Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn
- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
- There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when the does are present.
- A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- After a number of injections my jaw got number.
- Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| When Sister Mary entered the monastery she was given instructions by the priest on the rules.
The priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak
two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."
"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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| Don't throw paperclips ... Download Video Holy
smokes!! I wouldn't want to work in this place. The funny part is the reaction of the co-workers...
Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Florida
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You! Have a great day!
Submitted by Cindy, Emmitsburg, Md.
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March 28th Humor Page
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