And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass. Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time. "Shawn," said Pat, "can you hear me?"

Faintly, Shawn replied, "Yes, Paddy, I can." Bashfully, Pat started, "Do you remember our pact, Shawn?"

"Yes, I do Patty," Shawn strained. "And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?" said Pat.

"Yes Patty, I do," whispered Shawn.

"It's a very "old" bottle now, you know," urged Pat. "And what are you gettin' at Pat?" asked Shawn, briskly.

"Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?

• You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
• The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
• The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
• There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
• You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
• There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
• You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
• Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
• A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
• There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
• You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
• The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
• A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).
• You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
• The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
• You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
• People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
• Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
• You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
• You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
• You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
• You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.

"Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?" "Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor,

"That would be defeeting the porpoise."

• Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.
• Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.
• You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped.
• 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep you car for 3 days.
• When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"
• Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club".
• While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.
• For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom' noises while in the driveway.
• You keep losing dates on left turns.