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| The ad in the local newspaper read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, Mrs. Claudette Ramsey ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van pulled up and left her the scruffiest, mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad. "What do you mean by calling that mangy mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't be deceived by his looks, Ma'am," the man replied. "He's in the Secret Service."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| A man happened upon a friend of his while walking down a suburban street.
The man noticed that his friend's car was total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. So, the man asked his friend, "What in the world happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend said, "I ran into a lawyer."
"Okay," said the man, "that explains the blood. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and all of the dirt?"
His friend replied, "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, PA.
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| Heaven is a place where the police are English... ...; the chefs are Italian; the car mechanics are German; the lovers are French and it's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is a place where the police are German; the chefs are English, the car mechanics are French the lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.
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Vandals had set fire to a farmer’s haystack which then spread to his barn.
While he surveyed the wreckage, his wife called their insurance company and asked them to send a check for £30,000 the amount of insurance on the barn.
"We don’t give you the money," a company official explained.
"We replace the barn and all the equipment in it."
"In that case," replied the wife, "cancel the policy I have on my husband."
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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If you can start the day without caffeine...
- If you can get going without pep pills,
- If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
- If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
- If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
- If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you anytime,
- If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
- If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
- If you can conquer tension without medical help,
- If you can relax without liquor,
- If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
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| How to stack tyres correctly - Download Video Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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![[]](../../../pictures/2009/ATT680594.gif)
Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY |
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May 18th Humor Page
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