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| A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test.
The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test.
"How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 1: It is half empty.
Student writes 'pessimist' in his report.
Person 2 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 2: It is half full.
Student writes 'optimist' in his report.
Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there.
The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor.
"Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality."
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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| One semester when my brother was attending college, an art-student friend... ... of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to
receive a C minus.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.
"The head is too big," the professor explained. "The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous."
The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus."
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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Actual Newspaper Headline
- Suicide to go commercial, says BBC head - The Daily Telegraph
- 2 Convicts Evade Noose: Jury Hung - US newspaper
- Shell found on beach - Evening Argus
- Slim-fad girl, 17, vanishes - The Sun
- Abattoir staff will be halved - Chester Mail
- Suicide to go commercial, says BBC head - The Daily Telegraph
- Magistrates act to keep theatres open - The Evening Citizen
- Crash courses for private pilots - The Daily Telegraph
- Gas rig men grilled by villagers - The Oxford Times
- No water so firemen improvised - Liverpool Daily Post
- Filming in cemetery angers residents - The Evening Standard
- New York ban on boxing after death - The Times
- Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
- Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
- Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
- Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
- House passes gas tax onto senate
- Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
- Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
- Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
- Milk drinkers are turning to powder
- NJ judge to rule on nude beach
- Farmer bill dies in house
- Iraqi head seeks arms
- Child's stool great for use in garden
- Man uses wife as shark bait
Submitted by Albert, Vilonia, Arkansas
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Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life... ..., so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation.
By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress.
Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.
"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."
"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
"No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.
"A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| The Day I started my construction job... ..., I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to:
Single__, Married__, Divorced___ .
I marked single. Glancing the man next to me who was also filling out the form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks.
Instead he'd written, "Yes, in that order."
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| Top motoring tips - How to change a fan belt, How to make power windows Submitted by Cathy, Stonington, England
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The very first senior moment 
Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!
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Feb 8th Humor Page
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