Since the passengers changed every four or five days, the magician was able to perform the same tricks over and over.

Unfortunately, the Captain of the ship had a parrot who sat around and watched the magician perform his tricks, over and over. Eventually, the parrot learned how the tricks were done and would interrupt the act.

"It's in his sleeve" the parrot would say. "He switched balls." "It's in his pocket." Etc., etc.

Naturally, the magician was quite disturbed by the parrot but could do nothing about it, since it belonged to the Captain.

Unfortunately, the cruise ship had the misfortune of hitting an iceberg and sank to the bottom of the sea in a matter of minutes. As fate would have it, the magician and the parrot managed to grab hold of the same floating piece of furniture.

For 3 days, neither said anything. The magician stared at the parrot and the parrot stared back. Finally, on the 4th day, the parrot cracked and said:

"OK, I give up, where on Earth did you put the ship?"

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

"What did you find?" he asks.

"I am not sure," comes the answer. "It looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see... Ah, yes. It is from 'Gone with the Wind.'"

"And how is it?"

"Nothing much. The book was better."
 

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A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden.

"I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.

"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."

The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?"

"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents."

"OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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..., "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."

With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial".

"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."

The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father.

"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got lot of guts calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means."

He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!"

The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
 

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I Couldn't believe it...the first time ever! I never thought he'd be willing to share his 'guy time' with me And being the thoughtful man that he is, he even gave me an opening day Present. He calls it 'The First Timers Lucky Hat'. I'm so fortunate to Be married to him. I have attached a picture of me in my lucky hat

Submitted by Former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!
 

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Dec 23rd Humor Page