With considering all the brilliant, devious minds we had in high school, I don't know how we missed doing this. 

At a high school in Montana, a group of students played a prank - they let three goats loose inside the school. 

But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4.

School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3!

Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
 

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• A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.  He reckoned he could stop any time.....
• I had a friend who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.
• I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to myself, these guys have lost the plot!
• I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not wishing to disappoint, I pushed the old dear over.
• A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.  A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
• Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.  "What's the matter?" I asked. "I've got the big C," he said. "What, cancer?" "No, dyslexia."
• I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
• I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked by the roadside. The driver looked very miserable and was sobbing uncontrollably.  I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

Submitted by Cathy, Storrington, England
 

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• Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
• Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - Now that's taking things a bit far!
• Miners Refuse to Work after Death - Nogoodfornothing' lazy soandso's!
• Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant-See if that works any better than a fair trial!
• War Dims Hope for Peace- I can see where it might have that effect!
• If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile - Ya think?!
• Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures - Who would have thought!
• Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - They may be on to something!
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges - You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
• Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge - He probably IS the battery charge!
• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - Weren't they fat enough?!
• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft- No comment.
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks-Do they taste like chicken?
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half - Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
• Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors- Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....-

• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
 

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• I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
• CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
• Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
• A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
• I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
• If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
• McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
• Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
• Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
• My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
• A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
• A picture is now only worth 200 words.
• When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
• The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
• Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

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The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it. The funniest part of this is imagining the content of the letter sent to the Tax Office which prompted this reply!

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardypirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please send it to us by Friday..

Yours sincerely,

H J Lee
Customer Relations
Inland Revenue

Submitted by Cathy, Storrington, England
 

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Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
  

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Built atop the island of Cotonduba will be the welcome symbol to the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro.

It'll be seen by the game visitors and participants as they arrive by air or water. The tower, captures solar energy. It will supply energy for all of the Olympic city, as well as also for part of Rio . It pumps up water from the ocean to create what appears like a water fall and this fall stimulates turbines that produce energy during the night. It will also hold the Olympic flame.

The Tower possesses an amphitheatre, an auditorium, a cafeteria and boutiques. Elevators lead to various observatories. It also has a retractable plat-form for the practice of bungee jumping. At the summit's an observation point to appreciate the scenery of the land and ocean, as well as the water fall.

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March 9th Humor Page