The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law.

"Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, Blue eyes, long legs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, and a halter top . What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter . Let's look for yours."

The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISH!

The firemen yank the blanket away.

The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH!

The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof.

Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away!

So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

• It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
• You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
• We have enough youth. How about a fountain of 'smart'?
• The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
• A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
• When blondes have more fun do they know it?
• Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes Use Birth Control
• Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
• Don't Drink and Drive You might hit a bump and spill something.
• If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.
• Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
• Time's fun when you're having flies. ......Kermit the Frog
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
• Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi
• Artificial Intelligence Is No Match for Natural Stupidity.
• GUN CONTROL: using both hands
• The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.
• The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population

The USS Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (fresh water distillers).

However, let it be noted that according to her log, 'On July 27, 1798, the USS Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum.'

Her mission: 'To destroy and harass English shipping.' Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum aboard each. By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted.

Nevertheless, and though unarmed, she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whiskey distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.

The USS Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, NO rum, NO wine, NO whiskey and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water. Now these guys knew how to drink!