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| A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track.
All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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| When a Veteran leaves the 'job' and retires to a better life... ... many are jealous, some are pleased, and others, who may have already retired, wonder if he knows what he is leaving behind,
because we already know.
- We know, for example, that after a lifetime of camaraderie that few experience, it will remain as a longing for those past times.
- We know in the Military life there is a fellowship which lasts long after the uniforms are hung up in the back of the closet.
- We know even if he throws them away, they will be on him with every step and breath that remains in his life. We also know how the very bearing of the man speaks of what he was and in his heart still is.
These are the burdens of the job. You will still look at people suspiciously, still see what others do not see or choose to ignore and always will look at the rest of the Military world with a respect for what they do; only grown in a lifetime of knowing.
Never think for one moment you are escaping from that life. You are only escaping the 'job' and merely being allowed to leave 'active' duty.
So what I wish for you is that whenever you ease into retirement, in your heart you never forget for one moment that you are still a member of the greatest fraternity the world has ever known.
NOW! Civilian Friends vs. Veteran Friends Comparisons
- Civilian Friends: Get upset if you're too busy to talk to them for a week.
Veteran Friends: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having the last time you met.
- Civilian Friends: Have never seen you cry.
Veteran Friends: Have cried with you.
- Civilian Friends: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.
Veteran Friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
- Civilian Friends: Know a few things about you.
Veteran Friends: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
- Civilian Friends: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
Veteran Friends: Will kick the crowd's ass that left you behind.
- Civilian Friends: Are for a while.
Veteran Friends: Are for life.
- Civilian Friends: Have shared a few experiences...
Veteran Friends: Have shared a lifetime of experiences no citizen could ever dream of...
- Civilian Friends: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
Veteran Friends: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, 'You better drink the rest of that before you spill it!' Then carry you home safely and put you to bed...
- Civilian Friends: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
Veteran Friends: Will knock them the hell out OF THEM...for using your name in vain.
- Civilian Friends: Will ignore this.
Veteran Friends: Will forward this.
A veteran whether active duty, retired, or reserve is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The Government of the United States...' for an amount of 'up to and including my life'. . . and military wives are as much veterans as their spouses.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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| A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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If only….
- Germany had stuck to making toys
- England had stuck to making ships
- America had stuck to making musicals
- Italy had stuck to making opera
- France had stuck to making wine
- Cuba had stuck to making cigars
- Russia had stuck to making vodka
- Japan had stuck to making tourists
- China had stuck to making rituals
- The Middle East had stuck to making history
- India had stuck to making curry
- And Australia had stuck to making nothing,
Wouldn't the World Be a Happier Place?
Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia
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Recent Quotes from Late Night
"Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey is also a country. Did you see that all over the internet today? While Sarah Palin was pardoning a turkey, right behind her was a guy slaughtering turkeys. ... But, see, like most
internet stories, a little half-true. Turns out that, after a couple of minutes listening to Sarah Palin's voice, the turkeys said 'Kill us now.'" --Jay Leno
"You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain." --David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said 'yes.'" --Conan O'Brien
"According to some statistics the government released yesterday, Mexican immigration to the United States has dropped 42 percent over the last two years. And you have to hand it to President Bush, he knew that the way to stop people from sneaking into the country, it's not to build a fence or a wall, it's to make this country very
undesirable. Most illegal immigrants come here to make money, but now we don't have any money anymore. That's Number 43 for you, always thinking ahead." --Jimmy Kimmel
"U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting people to send rescue money. Here's what the UN should do: Invest in bad mortgages, run a bank into the ground, give yourself a bonus, get some spa treatments and, in no time, the government will send you
$750 billion." --Jay Leno
"Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup." --David Letterman
"The three auto companies in the United States, they're all scrambling to come up with a plan, some way to reinvent themselves. Well this week Ford did its part. Ford unveiled a new hybrid, the Ford Fusion, which will get almost 40 miles to the gallon. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, and when asked how much it would cost, a spokesman for Ford
said, '$25 billion.' They just want that money; they don't care. That's without mud flaps." --Conan O'Brien
"It was reported that Sarah Palin is close to signing a book deal worth $7 million. The book could set a new record for most apostrophes [on screen: a 'cover' of Palin's book, called 'Jus' Tellin' My Story']" --Seth Meyers
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| On the hod in Bangladesh ... Download Video Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, VA.
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Sometimes you just have to be in the right place at the right time (with the right camera). 
 
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Dec 1st Humor Page
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