• I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
• Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
• I'm not a complete idiot - - Some parts are just missing
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
• NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
• God must love stupid people; He made so many.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
• Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
• Procrastinate Now!
• I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
• Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
• They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
• He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
• Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
• The trouble with life is there's no background music.
• The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
• I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Class 14—Going It Alone---Class will be taught how to be able to go in to a public bathroom without an escort or friend. Three Weeks, meets in bathroom lobby for one hour each.

Class 15—Slotted or Phillips---Class will be taught the difference between the several types of screwdrivers just by looking at the screw itself. Four weeks, meets for one hour each at hardware store

Class 16—Accentuate your Memory---Class members will learn the names of all of their children, and be able to say the correct name when the child is doing something naughty.

Two weeks, meets for two hours each at Baskin Robbins.

Class 17—Restaurant Tipping Course---Members will lean the proper use of a calculator to figure out and divide the guest check, and to determine the correct tip to the waitress. Two Weeks, three hours each plus free calculator (because all of them have misplaced theirs’)—at local Hardees.

Class 18---The Recycling Bin—Teaches class which garbage items can be recycled and which cannot. Eight week course, five hours each week complete with garbologist (garbage scientist).

Class 19---Picking Up the back yard---Teaches the technique of collecting all kinds of dog crap, where to put it, and how to quickly do it before husband gets the mower and runs over it anyway. One hour for five weeks at the fertilizer store.

Class 20---Telling The Cat Who Is Boss—Teaches the wife how to coexist with her husband’s cat. Six hours course, one day. Need to bring the cat in a cage. Bandages and first aid included.

Class 21---Handling the bank drive-up ­Teaches the fastest way to put money into the drive up, getting it back, rearranging purse so keys, lipstick, drivers license and other items can quickly be put away before proceeding without delaying the twenty people in line behind you.---Ten week course. Special purse provided, 3 hours per class.

The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?" The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean,

"Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag!"