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| A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner Mom & Pop grocery... .... picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked
the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
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| Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel... ... was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said
into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
"Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, ... "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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You Know You Need A New Lawyer When:
- The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.
- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
- He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
- He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
- During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
- Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
- Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
- Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
- He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
- He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
- He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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Things You'll Never Hear In A Western Movie
- "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"
- "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."
- "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys room."
- "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."
- "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."
- "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"
- "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."
- "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?"
- "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, MD.
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A mother was almost crazy with her three kids.
She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."
"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said.
So Mary bought a playpen.
A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.
"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"
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Oct 16th Humor Page
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