There once was a 94 year old nun back in the 1890s...

... whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her. However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined.

But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.

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... and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty, and wrinkled"

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher...

... about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.
 

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A guy was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck...

... and ended up in the hospital. His best friend came to visit him.

The guy struggles to tell his friend, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?" The friend ask.

"My life insurance policy."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!
 

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695-t'ree t'ree t'ree t'ree (695-3333)

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!
 

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Oct 19th Humor Page