Humor Selections for Feb 24th, 2010
     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List
New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net

 
You Know You Are a True Pennsylvanian when:
  • "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.
  • You measure distance in hours.
  • You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
  • You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
  • You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
  • You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
  • You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
  • You know all 4 seasons: almost fall, winter, still winter and road construction.
  • You can discriminate between a "Lancaster" or an "Allentown" accent.
  • Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. It's shot up several times each hunt'n season...
  • You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
  • Down South to you means West Virginia.
  • You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
  • Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his NEW FORD F150.
  • You go out to the big Howard Johnsons fish fry every Friday and bingo at the Catholic Church every Wednesday.
  • Your 4TH of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
  • You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
Submitted by Barb, Unionville, Pa.
 

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After months of negotiation, a middling size advertising company...

... was awarded a contract to promote a new range of cheeses for a well known manufacturer whose management had spent time at the ad. company offices, becoming convinced they would do a good job.

To cement the deal, all the advertising staff were invited to the head office and plant to look around and go to a product tasting.

They duly arrived, and the CEO of the manufacturer welcomed them, but then said to the Advertising head, 'This is all your staff? There seem to be some missing.'

'True,' was the reply, 'there's no taste for accounting.'

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia!
 

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Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall,  brazen nerve, Effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance

This example is better than 1,000 words.. Read the story below the picture and you will understand.

THE ESSENCE OF CHUTZPAH...

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day, a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.

This went on for more than three years. The two of them never spoke.

One day, as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

Without blinking an eye, she said: "They're 35 cents now."

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed...

.., so my brother and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.

"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.

"I don't have a tape measure."

"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."

"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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What I don't do...
  • I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
  • I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me.
  • I don't mind the dust bunnies because .... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
  • I don't disturb cobwebs because . I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders.
  • I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
  • I don't plant a garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer.
  • I don't put things away because ... my husband will never be able to find them again.
  • I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
  • I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
  • I don't stress much on anything because ...

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Toyota Lawnmower Recall! - Download Video

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed!
 

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Everybody was given talent, of one kind or another.

Here's a guy who has a great talent pounding nails into a board. Unbelievable.


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The whole picture is made out of nothing but nails! Amazingly beautiful

Submitted by Cathy, Storrington, England!
 

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Feb 22nd Humor Page